He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish my penis had an off switch
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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