im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
