Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
