i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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