I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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