God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
