Just fell off a train. Bad.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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