He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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