I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
