My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize