we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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