Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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