I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Success! We fucked roommates!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize