my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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