i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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