just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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