Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
