Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
be right there i have to get my cape
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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