Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize