I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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