So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
