If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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