i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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