The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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