So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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