This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
