Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
