Where is the hickey?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
