Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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