Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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