I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
