Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
