i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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