I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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