His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
