Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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