Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
