there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
