How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize