when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
