I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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