Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
