so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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