I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize