my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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