Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
