are you still at the devil's house?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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