I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
