just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
