i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
