So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You took a bar mat shot.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
