the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
