I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
