if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize