when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
