i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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