So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
