did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
