Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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