so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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