this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
