i think my tv is drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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