That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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