i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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