***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize