man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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