my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
