I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
