I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
