He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
